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I was wondering what you thought of this story so far, please be honest, thanks!
The computer made a soft hum as Blaire typed away at the black keys. Today was Kin, so she had to send Kinmil to all of her friends. Her eyelids slowly drooped over her opaque eyes, begging for sleep; but she knew better than to listen to them. With effort, she opened her eyes back up, asking herself if she had activated it. She waited for a moment then heard the dreaded voice coming from the silver speaker above her, answering her question.
âActivation for H2Oâ the metal voice chimed as she tried to block herself with her lunch tray, but it was too late. The icy blow of water smacked her right in the face, numbing her cheeks momentarily. Finally it came to a cease and she looked to see what damage had been done. Her books were fine, the waterproof covers she bought at break time protected them from getting drenched in the water. Her metal table now had a small puddle on it, but that could be easily wiped away. She inspected her computer for a drop of water, grateful not to find any. With a sigh of relief, she quickly finished off her mils and pressed a silver button.
âPermission for camera to be turned off while I sleep?â she spoke into the speaker adjacent to the one on the ceiling . She waited for a moment, hopeful that her little ânapâ wouldnât have more severe consequences besides the spray of water.
âPermission not granted, camera will be off for ten minutes.â the metal voice chimed and she heard a quick bing, indicating the timer had started and camera was off. Quickly she tore off her clothes, then entered 345 into the glowing number pad next to the huge silver doors. They slowly slid open and she walked into the white bathroom. She turned the silver knob waiting for a familiar gurgle. At last she heard it, and the water gushed out into the tub. Blaire pushed down the silver knob and the gushing stopped, now the water sprayed from the colorless shower head. Briskly washed, then pulled the knob out, stopping the flow.
âFive minutes remaining.â Blaire heard from the speaker. She pulled her night clothes on in a hurry, then inspected herself in the mirror, looking for imperfections. She had none, her cream colored skin was flawless. Blaire grabbed a brush on top of the counter and briskly ran it through her long, dark honey hair. She cleaned up the room, then entered 543 into the glowing number pad beside her, opening the doors. Now that she was out of the steamy room, the cold air hit her unexpectedly; now reminding her that she forgot to turn the heater on. She immediately bolted under the dark blue comforter on her bed. Blaire let the warmth surround her as she fell into a dreamless sleep as she heard a bing, letting her know the camera was back on and the light was turned off.
Answer
I'm liking this a lot. The only thing I have to say is that towards the end, it gets a bit tiring reading "Blaire" or "she" - maybe you could link the sentences so you don't have to write the words too much. I don't think that is much criticism though, reading "she" a few times isn't so bad. ;)
I like how it is (to me, at least) mysterious as I don't know where exactly she is or what is going on, which makes an intriguing story. A continuation would be nice! Oh and and and the description is really good.
Great work. =D
I'm liking this a lot. The only thing I have to say is that towards the end, it gets a bit tiring reading "Blaire" or "she" - maybe you could link the sentences so you don't have to write the words too much. I don't think that is much criticism though, reading "she" a few times isn't so bad. ;)
I like how it is (to me, at least) mysterious as I don't know where exactly she is or what is going on, which makes an intriguing story. A continuation would be nice! Oh and and and the description is really good.
Great work. =D
What should i put in my backpack?
Lance
Ive decided to take my backpack w/ me where ever i go. So far i have my wallet, my phone, a picture of me an my little brother on my birthday, a Jake from Adventure Time plush doll my friend got me for my birthday (which fits in this one spot perfectly and when my friend saw it she thought it was cute and said "its like your own adventure pack!"), and my Beats by Dre. What else should/could i put in there?
Answer
Go to a novelty store or a toyshop and buy a very small model of a kitchen sink. Then you can carry a kitchen sink with you as well.
Some decent headphones would be useful, like Sennheiser, Grado, Beyer Dynamic or AKG, and a sound system good enough to do them justice..
Nachamichi and Uher do very fine broadcast quality portable recorders and tape players at around $2000 that would suit nicely, and Uher also makes a very a high quality portable radio tuner.
Broadcast quality digital recorders are also worth carrying, eg the excellent model from Diasonic for only $140 or the better PMD660 from Marantz for $500, which is used by many TV and radio reporters.
A ten inch parabolic reflector with a Shure or Sennheiser or Grado high sensitivity unidirectional microphone will let make high quality birdsong recordings with it, or the sound of a snail eating lettuce.
Shoe polish can be useful, and a full set of brushes and a polishing cloth.
A large first aid kit, full navigational equipment so you don't get lost, and a satellite phone to make calls from areas with no normal phone signal and linked to a notebook computer for satellite internet access, a super-bright LED flashlight, a megaphone and a length of climbing rope are useful additions to an adventure pack, and an ice axe in winter or on high mountains.
Skis for fast travel over snow, a folding bicycle and a motorized skateboard for town use will help with travel requirements.
A folding chair and table, a water bottle, a teapot and coffee pot, a mug and spoon, a plate and bowl, eating irons, a kitchen knife and a camp stove, some pots and a selection of foods and beverages will help to reduce hunger and thirst in areas without normal shopping facilities.
Spare clothes, washing kit, a mirror, a solar powered electric toothbrush, a hair brush and comb and a clothes brush will be of great use in maintaining appearances on wild adventures.
A digital camera and a video camera with a selection of lenses and attachments will aid in recording the experience, as will a notebook and pens and a painting set.
Waterproofs may be carried on top of the pack for quick access and a tent and sleeping bag may be fastened below it on straps to save space inside the pack.
To save carrying such a load a fully trained Boy Scout may be hired, who will carry it all in his pockets and be fully prepared for at least a few of life's little adventures.
Go to a novelty store or a toyshop and buy a very small model of a kitchen sink. Then you can carry a kitchen sink with you as well.
Some decent headphones would be useful, like Sennheiser, Grado, Beyer Dynamic or AKG, and a sound system good enough to do them justice..
Nachamichi and Uher do very fine broadcast quality portable recorders and tape players at around $2000 that would suit nicely, and Uher also makes a very a high quality portable radio tuner.
Broadcast quality digital recorders are also worth carrying, eg the excellent model from Diasonic for only $140 or the better PMD660 from Marantz for $500, which is used by many TV and radio reporters.
A ten inch parabolic reflector with a Shure or Sennheiser or Grado high sensitivity unidirectional microphone will let make high quality birdsong recordings with it, or the sound of a snail eating lettuce.
Shoe polish can be useful, and a full set of brushes and a polishing cloth.
A large first aid kit, full navigational equipment so you don't get lost, and a satellite phone to make calls from areas with no normal phone signal and linked to a notebook computer for satellite internet access, a super-bright LED flashlight, a megaphone and a length of climbing rope are useful additions to an adventure pack, and an ice axe in winter or on high mountains.
Skis for fast travel over snow, a folding bicycle and a motorized skateboard for town use will help with travel requirements.
A folding chair and table, a water bottle, a teapot and coffee pot, a mug and spoon, a plate and bowl, eating irons, a kitchen knife and a camp stove, some pots and a selection of foods and beverages will help to reduce hunger and thirst in areas without normal shopping facilities.
Spare clothes, washing kit, a mirror, a solar powered electric toothbrush, a hair brush and comb and a clothes brush will be of great use in maintaining appearances on wild adventures.
A digital camera and a video camera with a selection of lenses and attachments will aid in recording the experience, as will a notebook and pens and a painting set.
Waterproofs may be carried on top of the pack for quick access and a tent and sleeping bag may be fastened below it on straps to save space inside the pack.
To save carrying such a load a fully trained Boy Scout may be hired, who will carry it all in his pockets and be fully prepared for at least a few of life's little adventures.
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Title Post: What Do You Think About The Begining of This Story?
Rating: 100% based on 99998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
Rating: 100% based on 99998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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